Canadian
Medical Humor
Please
send us jokes or humorous stories about the
Canadian Health Care system. No “adult” humor,
and no jokes making fun of our patients. Perfectly OK though to poke fun at
administrators, bureaucracy, the American health system, etc.
Canadian
Healthcare Jokes:
What do you call a man who ignores his doctors’ advice? The Minister of Health.
An
American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. The RCMP
brought then to the provincial emergency ward, but all three of them died before
they could be seen by the doctor. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on
the body of the American, he opened his eyes and sat up. Astonished, the doctor
asked him what happened.
“Well, ” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a
beautiful white light. Suddenly the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at
the gates of heaven. St. Peter looked us over and said that we were too young to
die. He decided that for a donation of $50 each, we could return to the earth.
Of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew
I was back here.”
“That’s amazing!” said one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”
“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price
and the Canadian was waiting for the National Health Service to pay for his.”
A man from British
Columbia went to his doctor and said that he wanted to become a Newfie. The
doctor replied, “If I remove a quarter of your brain you will become a
Newfie. I’ll call you when the surgery
is scheduled.”
Three years later, when
he got to the top of the waiting list for his surgery, the man went in and got
the operation.
When he woke up, the doctor
looked apologetic, “I’m afraid my knife slipped during the surgery. Instead of
taking out one quarter of your brain, I accidentally took out three quarters. Do
you feel all right? “
The man replied, “Comme ci,
comme �a.”
Canadian [ku’neydeeun]
definition: A disarmed American with free health care
Canadians have universal
healthcare. How do they afford it when their neighbor to the south is too poor
to do so?
-
Healthcare Rationing: They
make people wait so long that most die before seeing a doctor.
-
Cultural factors: It is
cheaper to treat a frostbitten nose than to treat a gunshot wound to the
abdomen.
Everyone should have a
spouse, because there are a number of things that could go wrong that one might
not be able to blame on the National Health Service.
A Provincial Health
Ministry Official sits in his office twiddling his thumbs. After he gets tired
of doing that, he decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet. He pokes
through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. “This will look
nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides, and takes it home with him. While
polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. “I wish
for an ice cold Molson right now!” He gets his drink and sips it. Now that
he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. “I wish to be on a
tropical island where beautiful women indulge my every whim.” Suddenly he
is on a beach under a palm tree surrounded by gorgeous women. He tells the genie
his third and last wish: “I wish I’d never have to work ever
again.”�
� POOF! He’s back in his office at the provincial health ministry…