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Managed Care Jokes
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Canadian Medical Humor


Please send us jokes or humorous stories about the Canadian Health Care system. No "adult" humor, and no jokes making fun of our patients. Perfectly OK though to poke fun at administrators, bureaucracy, the American health system, etc.

Canadian Healthcare Jokes:


What do you call a man who ignores his doctors' advice? The Minister of Health.

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. The RCMP brought then to the provincial emergency ward, but all three of them died before they could be seen by the doctor. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the body of the American, he opened his eyes and sat up. Astonished, the doctor asked him what happened.

"Well, " said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful white light. Suddenly the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter looked us over and said that we were too young to die. He decided that for a donation of $50 each, we could return to the earth. Of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the National Health Service to pay for his."

A man from British Columbia went to his doctor and said that he wanted to become a Newfie. The doctor  replied, "If I remove a quarter of your brain you will become a Newfie.  I'll call you when the surgery is scheduled."

Three years later, when he got to the top of the waiting list for his surgery, the man went in and got the operation.

When he woke up, the doctor looked apologetic, "I'm afraid my knife slipped during the surgery. Instead of taking out one quarter of your brain, I accidentally took out three quarters. Do you feel all right? "

The man replied, "Comme ci, comme ça."

Canadian [ku'neydeeun]  definition: A  disarmed American with free health care

Canadians have universal healthcare. How do they afford it when their neighbor to the south is too poor to do so?

  1. Healthcare Rationing: They make people wait so long that most die before seeing a doctor.

  2. Cultural factors: It is cheaper to treat a frostbitten nose than to treat a gunshot wound to the abdomen.

Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that could go wrong that one might not be able to blame on the National Health Service.

A Provincial Health Ministry Official sits in his office twiddling his thumbs. After he gets tired of doing that, he decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold Molson right now!" He gets his drink and sips it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on a tropical island where beautiful women indulge my every whim." Suddenly he is on a beach under a palm tree surrounded by gorgeous women. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again."…
… POOF! He's back in his office at the provincial health ministry...

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Last modified: January 29, 2005