Canadian Medical Humor


Medical Humor



send us jokes or humorous stories about the

Canadian Health Care system. No “adult” humor,

and no jokes making fun of our patients. Perfectly OK though to poke fun at

administrators, bureaucracy, the American health system, etc.


Healthcare Jokes:


What do you call a man who ignores his doctors’ advice? The Minister of Health.


American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. The RCMP

brought then to the provincial emergency ward, but all three of them died before

they could be seen by the doctor. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on

the body of the American, he opened his eyes and sat up. Astonished, the doctor

asked him what happened.

“Well, ” said the American, “I remember the crash, and then there was a

beautiful white light. Suddenly the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at

the gates of heaven. St. Peter looked us over and said that we were too young to

die. He decided that for a donation of $50 each, we could return to the earth.

Of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew

I was back here.”

“That’s amazing!” said one of the doctors, “But what happened to the other two?”

“Last I saw them,” replied the American, “the Scot was haggling over the price

and the Canadian was waiting for the National Health Service to pay for his.”

A man from British

Columbia went to his doctor and said that he wanted to become a Newfie. The

doctor  replied, “If I remove a quarter of your brain you will become a

Newfie.  I’ll call you when the surgery

is scheduled.”

Three years later, when

he got to the top of the waiting list for his surgery, the man went in and got

the operation.

When he woke up, the doctor

looked apologetic, “I’m afraid my knife slipped during the surgery. Instead of

taking out one quarter of your brain, I accidentally took out three quarters. Do

you feel all right? “

The man replied, “Comme ci,

comme �a.”

Canadian [ku’neydeeun] 

definition: A  disarmed American with free health care

Canadians have universal

healthcare. How do they afford it when their neighbor to the south is too poor

to do so?

  1. Healthcare Rationing: They

    make people wait so long that most die before seeing a doctor.

  2. Cultural factors: It is

    cheaper to treat a frostbitten nose than to treat a gunshot wound to the


Everyone should have a

spouse, because there are a number of things that could go wrong that one might

not be able to blame on the National Health Service.

A Provincial Health

Ministry Official sits in his office twiddling his thumbs. After he gets tired

of doing that, he decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet. He pokes

through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. “This will look

nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides, and takes it home with him. While

polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. “I wish

for an ice cold Molson right now!” He gets his drink and sips it. Now that

he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. “I wish to be on a

tropical island where beautiful women indulge my every whim.” Suddenly he

is on a beach under a palm tree surrounded by gorgeous women. He tells the genie

his third and last wish: “I wish I’d never have to work ever


� POOF! He’s back in his office at the provincial health ministry…

Managed Care Jokes: Main Page